How to hire a trustworthy nanny

Nanny cams may create a negative start to the relationship. What to do instead.

A comprehensive guide to help you find the right fit, save frustration and heartache

It’s hard to hire someone to watch your kids. Especially if it’s a stranger. You cannot be a hundred percent sure about anyone, but there are some steps you can take to help build confidence so it’s not too stressful having a new babysitter. It may be better to spend this time before hiring instead of stressing about nanny cams and create an environment of distrust in your home. 

How to write an advertisement on sites like care.com?

Be yourself and be direct about the expectations of pay, work you expect and the kind of relationship you want from the person. Here is the one I have used multiple times and it seemed to have attracted good candidates.

We are a family of four moving to Maui for six months and need care for our children. Our older one is 3 and a half and the younger one is 3 months old. This would be a full time job with 6-8 hours per day.
We are a professional couple who have lived in California for the past 10 years. We are moving to Maui for a few months and want someone reliable, trustworthy and professional to watch our kids while we work from home. Knowledge of Montessori and or Waldorf ways of teaching is a plus. A good match for us will be someone who is willing to learn and is humble. Children learn by adults modeling good behavior and we would expect to work with someone loving and respectful towards us and our kids. We will support you as much as we can and expect the same from you.

Many candidates mentioned that the job description attracted them as it was personable and honest. They were excited to meet and interview our family as the values presented matched their own.

What to do after a nanny contacts you?

Ask for references, at least three and call ALL of them. When asking for references, make sure you ask your nanny about where they are located, what were the name and ages of the kids that they watched and any other highlight of the job that they might want to share. That way, when you call the parents, you have a certain expectation set and know what types of questions to ask.

This is a preferred order of actions:

1. Talk to the nanny on phone for a mini interview
2. Ask for references, call the references.
3. Do an in person meet or a working interview.

I like to call the references prior to the working interview to make sure there aren’t any red flags and I feel comfortable that another parent has worked with this person before inviting them into my home. But this order may be reversed based on your preference especially if the working interview happens when you are at home.

Questions to ask references:

Start the conversation- Hi, my name is X and I was given your number by {nanny’s name here}. I like to wait for them to remember the nanny and respond- “Oh yeah!” They may add more information here, so I wait my turn to talk. 

To make writing and reading this conversation easier, let’s assume that the nanny’s name is Lisa.

You- if you have a few minutes, I would like to ask about your family’s time with Lisa and what you liked about her. 

Parent: Sure! Lisa was great. 

You: I see from my notes that she watched your boys aged 2 and 4. 

Parent: Yes! That was one year ago, so my boys are now 3 and 5. Lisa was great with both of them, very energetic and patient. She was always on time and gave me enough notice if she had to take a day off.

You: Oh that’s wonderful. It’s so important to have someone that is punctual and reliable. Was she with you full time or part time?

Parent: She watched the kids full time and also for date nights and an hour or two over the weekends.

You: Great! Were you comfortable with her driving your kids or did she even drive them somewhere?

Parent: Yeah, absolutely OR No, she only watched them at home.

You:(If yes) Were you able to review her driving record to make sure it was clean. Also, did you have a background check done?

Parent: Yes, since she was a stranger, we went ahead and ran a background and driving record check. OR Since we were in a small town and she was a reference from another well known family, we knew that she was a great kid at school(valedictorian) and didn’t get into trouble. 

I would personally get a background check still, but asking such questions gives you more clues about the person.

You: Is there anything you think she could’ve done better with?

Parent: Umm, I can’t think of much OR Yes, she always needed specific instructions, we didn’t experience her going above and beyond. 

This question is open ended and helps with opening up an opportunity to ask for more details about what the parent didn’t like. I find this to be one of the most important questions. It gives you a lot of insight about their work ethic and potential weaknesses. I have found major red flags during this part of the conversation before.

After they mention something less than stellar, a good follow up question is:

You: When you gave feedback to them, how did they receive it?

Parent: They were accepting of constructive criticism and acted on it immediately OR they got defensive and I did not see an improvement.

This question can also influence your decision to hire this person. The latter response is a no go for me personally.

You: How was Lisa’s interaction with devices? Did you ever find her not being able to connect with the children because she got distracted during work?

Parent: Lisa was very disciplined with her phone and only checked it when we texted her. I did have a clear understanding when hiring her that during work hours, she was expected to be off social media so she could keep the kids safe and attend well to them.

If you’re anything like me, this is the answer that my brain is looking for. If you don’t get a satisfactory answer to this question but still think that the person you’re interviewing is a strong candidate, you can express your expectations in a candid manner and have a clear understanding from the get go. A working interview of about two weeks length can be a good opportunity to test the candidate out. 

More questions to add to this list include topics of your interest like chores, payment methods, withholding nanny taxes, etc. 

While this script is no guarantee that you will find someone perfect for you and your family, it can give you a head start when it comes to trust. The key is to read between the lines and assess the tone in which the previous employers talk about the person especially when talking about sensitive subjects. Please feel free to share any insights you might have in the comments below.